Want to be able to talk to anyone at any time? Have you ever felt anxious, nervous, or timid at a party or event because you felt out of place? Well, I can assure you most of us have felt this way. In fact, I still feel this way often. Thankfully I’m here to help give you the tools to approach anyone, at any time, to strike up a meaningful and authentic conversation.
First off, you have to understand that having good conversation isn’t about what you say, it’s about how you make the other person feel. Nobody likes talking to someone that isn’t listening, seems uninterested, or just wants to talk about themselves. So the most important thing you can do in any conversation is give your undivided attention to your subject. Don’t check your phone, don’t check your watch, hell try no to even look away. Instead, stay locked in to your subject and show them that you’re here for them alone and nothing else. If you do that, you’re already different than most people they’ve talked to today.
Now, the next thing you want to do is to make the conversation about something the other person is interested in, NOT just something you’re interested in. I promise you, this will be groundbreaking if you try it for the next week. Every conversation you have for the next week, try to make the conversation focused on something the other person is interested in. What books are they reading? How is their job? How did they get into their career? What sports do they like? What tv shows are they watching? How are their kids doing in their latest hobby/school project? Everyone likes to talk about themselves and what interests them, so allow them to do so and take a genuine interest in what’s going on in their life. The conversation will be easy and flow like water once you get them going.
Here’s a little secret, people hate being called boss, chief, bud and other annoying nicknames. This is because it makes them feel insignificant, like you’re just referring to them like you refer to everyone. It’s annoying, so stop doing it. Instead, when you learn someone’s name repeat it in your head over and over so you don’t forget it. Then, in conversation, refer to them by their full first name. The secret is, people love hearing their name and using it makes them feel unique and significant. Such a small gesture goes so deep with others, it’s almost foolish to not implement this into your everyday life. This starts with asking someone’s name in the beginning of a conversation or meeting them. I like to ask everybody’s name, even people that are working the checkout at Target. I’ll ask their name, and thank them for thier help today. Next time you go to your favorite convenience store, restaurant, or gym, try calling out the worker by name and see the reaction you get. I guarantee it’s much different than shooting them a head nod with your headphones in. Make this small change with your coworkers, acquaintances, and colleagues, and you will see significant growth in your relationships!
My last tip today is to follow up. Keep the conversation going by genuinely listening and follow up with what they’re saying. For example, if someone is talking about their child and school, ask them how the school district is, or how they like second grade, or even have they made friends with fellow parents in the class? These are all great follow up questions that will keep the conversation going in a direction that’s interesting to the speaker. Avoiding the awkward lulls of a conversation are key, but you don’t need to think or focus on those lulls if you’re really listening and interested in what they’re saying. It’ll come naturally and easy if you care about the topic or story they’re telling you.
That’s the overwhelming theme here. YOU NEED TO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THE PERSON AND WHAT THEY’RE SAYING. Make the other person feel IMPORTANT! Everyone wants to feel important, and they want to be heard. Want to be able to converse with anyone at any time? Simple, make them feel important and take a genuine interest in their life. Make them feel as if they’re the most important conversation you’ve ever had. End your conversation with a sincere compliment such as: “It was genuinely nice talking to you, I look forward to hearing how your job search turns out.”
Look them in the eye, give a good handshake (or hug) and a smile, and I guarantee you’ll leave them enamored as you walk away. You want to know why? Because you just did something different that most people don’t do! Most people want to talk about themselves, jump into a conversation just to share their opinions or their voice. Most people don’t care about the other side of a conversation unless it benefits themselves. Implement these simple, easy tactics and watch how much easier your conversations are moving forward and the relationships you start to build. Start now with your family or loved ones, they’re probably most deserving of your attention anyway. Cheers!
